His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
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