I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize