his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
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Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
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I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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