i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
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My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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