just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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