How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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