did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You are the jesus of drinking
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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