After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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