I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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