I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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