I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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