i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize