just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
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My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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