Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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