So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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