The maid of honor just puked.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
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My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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