Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
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despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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