These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
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Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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