I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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