she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
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Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
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And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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