we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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