I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
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I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
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i now understand why vodka
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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