Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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