after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
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Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
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A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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