1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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