Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
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As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
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well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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