that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
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I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
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Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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