Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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