she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
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found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
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Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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