I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
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I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
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that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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