i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
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your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i think i just lost a toe
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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