I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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