I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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