The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The air was thick with penises
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize