ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
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There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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