saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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