i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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