you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
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I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
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I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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