Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
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I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
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Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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