Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize