Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
it's like iHOP with fire
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize