they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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