You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize