Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize