WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
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Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
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I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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