LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize