I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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