Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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