R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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