Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
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Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
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How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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